Stuttering

Sweet sentiments. I called Scott about the latest miscarriage as I was headed home from his workplace. He immediately left and almost beat us to the house with this bouquet of beautiful flowers. SO thoughtful. Only days after that, my friend brought the fabulous red roses to the Wednesday evening church meeting. How generous and loving are these people!

Last Friday Grandma Johnson drove in town and spent the late morning and lunch hour at our house while I cleaned for a men's study that was meeting there later. When the boys woke and guys came over, we all went over to Bullhead park for them to play ball for a while first. They ended up staying there for their study. A couple of them brought Scott back and hung out for a while. One of them is an excellent guitar player. He played a few songs on Dad's guitar. I didn't know it could make such nice sounds!

Saturday, Grandma spent the morning with us. We then went to the Smolenskis to visit with them and their new babe, my brother's family and some friends from Montana. The MT connections didn't make it, but we had a GREAT time.

Sunday we spent the day in Santa Fe with the church. Garrett taught the class, Scott preached, they took us to Il Vicinos for lunch, the boys napped at the minister's home, and then the teens had an areawide which Scott spoke at. It is an amazingly joyful and encouraging church. What a blessing, and totally exhausting trip! We were gone from 7:40am-9:30pm.

Monday was Scott's first Softball game. He seemed to have a blast. It was right by our house, so the boys and I went, leaving early around 9pm.

Scott drove a lot for work last weekend and in the early part of the week. Since the car gets better gas, we switched vehicles. The boys absolutely thrill to riding in the beat-up Jeep. Can you tell they're pleased? On Tuesday, I think, we went to visit my brother at his workplace, which is when this photo was taken. Brendan takes us into the zoo to play on the playground and check out animals.

The next day, Wednesday, we did our grocery shopping, stopped by Golfernoggins to see if it was open (it was/is!!!), and then spent the lunch hour on campus. Scott was manning a table to sign people up to play in a volleyball tournament the CSC puts on for UNM. While on campus, we saw a couple familiar faces, which was fun. One friend, Melinda, is a young woman Scott and I used to hold a bible study with.

Thursday we did our "normal" day of free lunch at the CSC and then returned back there in the evening. Three of the students spoke on the importance of being a part of a church body. It was long, but good.

Friday was the big Spring Slam. The people from the CSC did a great job socializing with the UNM students as well as helping prep for the event. When we got there at 6pm, the party had been well under way for several hours. Lots of interesting people!

One of the later games. Some of the guys holding down the fort at registration.

Patrick seems to be the Grill Master at these big campus events.


Here's the roster. Camera Man is one of our more involved and helpful students this year.

Enjoying the BBQ.

Scott worked Saturday morning, which was during the boys' cousin's birthday party at the zoo. With hands full, I didn't get many pictures. The one of Toby, he's completely interested in the cotton from the nearby trees that gathered by the shops. By this time, he was so tired, he just laid on the ground and played with it. Ranne is absorbed with the music machine.

That's it for now. Sorry this is so impersonal and factual. There was a lot to get out.

Today Ranne woke from his nap talking about all different types of birds. He was speaking of the flamingos at the zoo and said, "And there were three "mangos" in the water..." It took me forever to figure out what he was talking about.

Keeping Walking

We keep walking...

Yes, we are still alive. Here are a few pics to prove that the kids, at least, are still breathing.

Ranne's attire today was his hat, boots, and Mickey Mouse shirt. The pics below were taken while he told me all about his horse Harry. I told Ranne a few days ago that my Granddad was a real cowboy. He asked me today where he was. When told he was in heaven, Ranne said, "You have to go get him. He needs to come down here to teach me how to be a cowboy."

Here's my darling helping with dinner. We were given a wonderful gift of Homemade Gourmet food during these last few stressful days. It was a lifesaver tonight and super easy for Ranne to assist me with.



Toby just buzzes around. His words are becoming slowly clearer, mostly from necessity. We constantly harass him to speak his thanks yous, no thank yous, pleases, helps,.... He also likes saying: shoes, dog, mine. Other words and sentences pop out now and then.

A very precious thing he does: When we inform him a prayer is going on, he bows his head, folds his hands and quietly murmurs a prayer in his baby talk. Ahhh. He does not do this every time, but often. Often this happens during the church meetings.


The boys have begun wrestling more. Toby will give Ranne a friendly smack as he walks by. Ranne will grab Toby's head and 'take him down'. Most of the time they accept it as brotherly love, so I try to just teach them how to do it gently or how to back off if one or the other is stressed. Hm. Boys baffle.

Scott's recovering from a softball smack to the knee. This is the first day since Sunday he's felt any improvement. It's been a good, nauseatingly painful sports wound. Funny that this came from practice. The season has not even begun. Scott seems to really enjoy doing this on his Sunday afternoons. The boys nap then and he can just go out and be with the guys.

Work is exciting for him for the next couple weeks, and tense. That just adds to the enjoyment of it, it seems.

Grandma Johnson should be coming in this Friday. We'll probably see her.

I'm to bed. Been up since exactly 4:39am. Oh, but that reminds me to post a health update:

We went to the midwife. They did an ultrasound and saw 'stuff', but thought the majority of the miscarriage had gone. She put me on a medication that was supposed to consist of eight doses in 24hrs. After five, my body was so exhausted from every muscle cramping and my leg had a pain in it behind my knee, that I quit the stuff. I will call her tomorrow and tell her.

They have given me papers for hormone blood work. As soon as the pregnancy levels are gone, she will order a series of test that will look at blood clotting, thyroid, hormones, etc. Pretty much everything, I think. Well, as much as they know to test for.

So, off to bed. Have a great night, all.

Lamenting Castles

Castles in the sky? That's what I'm suddenly feeling all this is.

We are saddened this child will not continue. However, we have asked many of you to pray for the pregnancy, assuming God would help us accept whatever came with joy. We appreciate the gentle and honest words many of you have expressed in the last day, even. Yet, we also realize our mourning comes from the castles (imaginations) we've built over the last few weeks, such as: what he/she will look like; how will the boys enjoy it all; how our family will be with three wee ones; how we can focus on so many, with purpose... So, please don't feel too bad (Lynette). As I said, we're down but not overwhelmed or in some grevious, terrible state.

Questions do come to mind, like: does God take the life back? Did He know there would be no continuing life so never allowed the spark to form? None of these are answerable. I notice people usually decide on whatever is most comforting to them, like questions about heaven and whether their loved ones gone on before sleep in rest until Jesus returns, or is in an eternal togetherness with God and us already.

Mostly now I just dread the actual miscarriage. We have decided to let things progress naturally, rather than be induced. This takes much more time, but seems healthier all the way around. Not to mention, Ranne, on his own volition, has been praying, "God, please heal Mama and bring the baby back to life. We know you can; You're able." How do we rush that!

I'll part here. God bless you all. Sorry not to have called several of you back. I'm much more level headed today, but will be gone much of the day as we've promised to visit Aunt Dora and meet a friend in the afternoon.

The Prayers of Babes...ahhh.

A quick funny I forgot on the last blog. Remember how Toby fell through the hole of the tire swing? It all happened while I was jogging, so Ranne was telling me about it over lunch. He said, "Toby was swinging and then fell through the ... the ... tire's ... drain--you know?"

Before going to the doctor this morning, we were talking about it to Ranne. I said they were going to take a picture inside me and see if the baby was there or not. He said, "I will pray for you now. God will make you better. He will." And, then he prayed. It was heartwarming and reassuring. He then gave me a hug and said God would make me well. I have no doubt.

I went for the ultrasound. The tech was awesome. She was extremely thorough and educated me along the way. Often they are discouraged from talking about what they see, but she explained everything she was looking at and why.

The sac measured at 5 1/2 weeks rather than 7.5. This could mean, she said, that either our date is off or the baby process stopped nearly two weeks ago. I am confident of the date. I took a test 2 weeks after the suspected time and it was positive. There really is not likelihood of that showing positive only two or three days after, if we actually are only 5.5 weeks along. She saw that everything was in the correct place, so ectopic pregnancy is out, which is a relief. The baby was only a spec and 'out of range' of her device. So, no heartbeat could be found, meaning either it was 'out of range' as she said or there is not one.

SO, still no knowledge. I took a blood test today to determine hormone levels and will do so again in two days. If the hormone level doubles between tests, I'm pregnant. If not, we'll be facing another miscarriage. Thank goodness God knows how to deal with all this. It doesn't seem dramatic or terrible, but I am sad. Shrug.

When getting back from this appointment to the CSC where the boys were, Ranne happily asked me if the baby was still there and if I was going to get 'huge' or not. He still waits for the answer. He has really enjoyed looking at online pictures of developing babies.

He went to the lab for the blood work with me. He sat in a chair so that he could watch, Toby was in my lap, and he flattered the tech like nothing else. He told the guy, "You know what you're doing?! Wow. You are a wise man. " The man laughed hard and said, "Well, you're a wise boy!" Ranne answered with a, "Yeah, I am." Ranne sat there and continued the compliments including telling the man that he did a very good job taking the blood from me. Everyone in the lab was rolling with laughter and promised him a front desk job there at the office. Funny.

Another Prayer, Please?

These posts are just lousy lately. The camera has been up on a shelf. Sorry about that. I will repent here soon.

Hm. Funnies? Scott was telling Ranne the other day that Ranne speaks the language English. Today I asked Ranne to say the name Horton and he said, "I can't. I only speak English." This is quite humorous as Horton sounds, though I don't know for sure, quite English in origin.

Lately, I have begun to jog. I went two miles for the first time yesterday morning and then walked one more. That sounds really wimpy to most, I know, but is really good for me and I'm proud of it. Considering a few weeks ago, I couldn't make a 1/4 without feeling as if I would expire right there on the dirt. It was great yesterday. The weather was beautiful, cold breeze and hot sun. The dirt circuit is right by the airbase, so all the jets blast by. I LIKE that. There is also a playground so Scott watched the boys play until we shared a picnic.

Toby has a great affinity for the tire swing at the above mentioned park. He has been strongly discouraged from throwing fits when taken off, in fact. Well, he was really flying yesterday with Scott's help. As the swing was at it's highest, Toby decided to straighten himself and let go. He slid right through the middle onto the wood chips. He cried hard, but it was discovered the tears were only for not being on the swing. He didn't seem to mind the fall at all.

Garrett and Jessie took our boys to dinner and a movie with their family. Horton and the Who? It's Ranne's first movie to be in in a conscious state. Toby's first time too, of course. As they did that, Scott and I dined out and enjoyed it immensely. From what we were TOLD, the boys did really well and there was no difficulty with them. That is very fun to hear as parents of a 3-yr-old and an 18-mo-er.

A prayer request. I am going to have a little emergency ultrasound on Monday, Lord willing. I have been having some bleeding. It could be very normal, but I am concerned. Really. I went shopping today and it wore me out way more than it should have. I looked and looked for a dress that wasn't $150 but fit, finally finding a good sale at Dillards. By the time I climbed stairs there and tried on a few that I liked, I could barely keep myself together. The employee there asked if I wanted one I had her put back and seemed put off when I said, "I just have to go home now." My middle was aching and head was swimming. "Amazing Scott" let me sleep the afternoon away while they boys ranne wild.

Remodel has begun. Scott did a take-off for the major work and plans to send it out to various building supply places on Monday. Once that's decided on, it should pick up. The kitchen floor has proved a headache. No surprise there, I guess.

CSC is going strong it seems. They're prepping for volleyball still. There will be a big BBQ, the tournament, a band.... Lots of work to be done!

A dorm study was started last week. Sounds like 14 or so people were there, and many plan to come back. One young lady who participated came to the CSC a few nights later for the worship. That makes the effort worth it in my opinion.

Scott spoke very boldly about self-control and modesty to the people there on Thursday night. He spun it off of 1 Peter 1, mostly. I think it was extremely effective, or at least got the wheels turning. Funny thing: after the lesson ended and everyone went their way, the men all RAN into the game room while the ladies chatted in the main area. They were all freaked out, which is really good and slightly amusing.

Anyway, that's our news. A quick close and "goodnight".