Lamenting Castles

Castles in the sky? That's what I'm suddenly feeling all this is.

We are saddened this child will not continue. However, we have asked many of you to pray for the pregnancy, assuming God would help us accept whatever came with joy. We appreciate the gentle and honest words many of you have expressed in the last day, even. Yet, we also realize our mourning comes from the castles (imaginations) we've built over the last few weeks, such as: what he/she will look like; how will the boys enjoy it all; how our family will be with three wee ones; how we can focus on so many, with purpose... So, please don't feel too bad (Lynette). As I said, we're down but not overwhelmed or in some grevious, terrible state.

Questions do come to mind, like: does God take the life back? Did He know there would be no continuing life so never allowed the spark to form? None of these are answerable. I notice people usually decide on whatever is most comforting to them, like questions about heaven and whether their loved ones gone on before sleep in rest until Jesus returns, or is in an eternal togetherness with God and us already.

Mostly now I just dread the actual miscarriage. We have decided to let things progress naturally, rather than be induced. This takes much more time, but seems healthier all the way around. Not to mention, Ranne, on his own volition, has been praying, "God, please heal Mama and bring the baby back to life. We know you can; You're able." How do we rush that!

I'll part here. God bless you all. Sorry not to have called several of you back. I'm much more level headed today, but will be gone much of the day as we've promised to visit Aunt Dora and meet a friend in the afternoon.